I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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