he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
