I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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