Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
