thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
