You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
