there's paper in my vomit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
