I love black thongs
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
