People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
