The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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