With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
