On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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