U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
