Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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