I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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