I want to have your abortion
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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