They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
