Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
