exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
