we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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