Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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