I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
