I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
