Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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