How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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