She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Someone signed my nipple.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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