What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
