look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
