that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
