I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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