I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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