Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
