I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
