I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
