Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
