You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize