he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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