okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
