how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
pop tarts are not kleenex
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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