I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
