I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I am one with the molecules
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
