the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
