I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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