I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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