I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
