dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
