im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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