Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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