I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The Olympian is in my bed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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