He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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