Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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