Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
