I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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