roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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