Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
