best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots