first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.