She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.