her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.