How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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