my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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