for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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